This afternoon our beautiful golden lab puppy was targeted and mowed down by a speeding car on our street.

I cradled his limp, lifeless body in my arms.

Jimmy and I sobbed our hearts out.

We buried him under the green grass.

Livvy picked the flowers.

Daddy prayed.

My heart broke.

Our gorgeous, full of energy, eager to please, obedient, and beloved Big Mac. Rest in Peace lil' buddy.

Oh how I'm going to miss him!

My heart is filled with sadness tonight.

6 weeks old today...

Can you believe it?!

This time 6 weeks ago I was contracting about 6 minutes apart, trying to eat a cheese pizza and fully denying that it was actually happening, believing it would stop and I would wake up again in the morning...

(as it happened, I did wake up again in the morning, but this time with a snuggly baby beside me)

Look how she's grown!

Sigh. Such cuteness...

So what's happening in the Hartley household today??

I'm so glad you asked!

Today we have  the flu. The icky, yuckky, makes-your-nose-twitch-and-your-throat-scratchy flu. All of us have it. From the Mother who would like to think she never gets sick, down to the little Beth at the tender age of six weeks, who now snuffles and snores her way through the day due to a stuffy nose (the baby that is, not the Mother).

What are we going to do about this flu today??

Why, go to the beach! Like any rational person would do, when they have the flu. We've already chugged down the Olive Leaf and Maximol... now it's time to let them work their magic. If you want us, we shall be sitting in the glorious sunshine, soaking in the Vitamin D (is it D? or E? or A? That memory fog is overtaking me again....), and taking it easy on the beaches of Australia.

Sounds soo glorious! If I wasn't feeling so awful, I'd almost be jealous of myself...

Pregnancy fog anyone?

Hah!

Post-partum fog maybe.

I'm getting it so bad that I'm forgetting that I even gave birth 6 weeks ago. :-/

Someone new to our church asked me on Sunday if Rachel was my youngest. I sweetly smiled and said yes with an 'isn't she gorgeous?!' smile. The poor lady looked confused and then said "oh, but don't you have a baby as well???"

Hah!

Completely forgot. But then, as I type this, I'm wondering why in the world she even asked me, since she obviously saw the dark circles around my eyes, and ooooobviously already knew the answer to her question even better than I did.

Maybe I should invite her over to be my live-in memory. That way we could maybe cut down the amount of times I go to drive out of the driveway, while Beth is blissfully sleeping away in the bedroom...

This is especially for those of you who've never seen Christian talking before. He started saying words when he was about 2 1/2 years old, and now at the grand ole age of three...well, he's quite the chatterbox. We were woken up this morning to the sweet tunes of "Twinkle twinkle little star", which is his special song for Bethie when she's crying.

Anyway! Enjoy. :-) (and yes, I know this isn't Twinkle twinkle little star (smart alec), this is his special song that he reserves for showing off).

*Edit* There I was gloating away to all of you about how well Christian is talking now, and this happens... We were at Library Story Time this morning, and the sweet lady in charge (a kiwi! Such a connection we had...) asked Christian what his name is. I held my breathe in anticipation, because he has never answered that question before. Never. Ever. Ever. He looked innocently up at her, and said his name as clear as a bell. Her answer?? "Freddy?? Oh hello Freddy, what a lovely name....blah blah blah". With a slightly confused look on his face, he took his seat again, only to be referred to as "Freddy" for the rest of the morning.

So maybe it's just me, and I (as the proud mother) am the only person in the world who can understand him. So tell me... what song is he singing here??? Please tell me I'm not the only one who can instantly recognise it?!!

Please tell me he's a genius?!

Dear Grandma...

When you send new shoes to the youngest in the family...

She's lucky to get a look in on them.

We have a shoe thief in our house...

Even Daddy's stinky shoes aren't safe....

So when a pretty pink box with pink sparkley shoes arrived for little Beth.

Well you can only imagine.

She immediately enlisted the help of her big brother...

Off with the old...

Admire the new for a while...

And with giggles of delight from the two rascals...

Their mission was accomplished...

Thankyou Grandma for Rachel's new shoes. They've barely come off (she'd sleep in them if she could...) and I'm sure they'll be tried and nicely worn in by the time Beth can fit them. :-)

Look!!

It was the first time she really smiled at us! And clever Daddy was able to whip out his phone and capture the moment. Priceless! I always love it when the babies start smiling and responding to us...it's like a little reward for all the hard work we've put into 'em.

Hehe, she's such a chubby bubby. Check out that double chin that has completely taken over the neck! Good ole Mummy's milk... it was worth fighting for. ;-)

I can't help myself...

She's just too cute to not plaster all over the internet...

That's ma'girl. xxoo

Baby Dedication Night

Awaiting the big moment.

Five minutes after this photo was taken, she decided it might be nice to have some warm milk to settle her nerves. As we were getting all settled into the Mother's Room, Pastor decided to start the dedications. So she got a taste-tester of her dinner, and then was whisked away to face a whole bunch of people, with a very grumpy look on her face. This girl don't like no one messing with her food time!!

And as a result, we have no pictures of the actual event. It was straight out of feeding and right up there in front of the church. No time to grab the camera and someone to snap some pictures (Tracy, where are you when I need you!?).

So you'll have to imagine us up there. Me all nervous and fervently praying that Beth won't start squawking, James trying to contain Rachel and Christian who decided that they wanted to be in the lime-light, and Bethie. Dear sweet Bethie. Busy filling her nappy. I was counting on those Huggies nappies to contain it all because I sure didn't want to end up with the tell-tale yellow streaks all over me in front of everyone. Sigh.

Good times. :-D

All shined up for the event. I even washed her face! Fancy Smanchy.

Talking about her big night with her big brother. :-)

So it's Saturday morning, right? One of those cold, wet, drizzly, miserable days here in Rocky. Most *sane* people would be cuddled up on a couch with a good book, keeping nice and warm.

Not so for the Hartleys!

I woke up this morning and thought it would be a fantastic idea to have a tv free day (*sigh* It's been on waaay too much lately with me not feeling up to snuff, and quite frankly has been driving me nuts...). So, of course, without the square shaped babysitter, I've had to really keep on top of things and read "Beauty and the Beast" about a gazillion times, along with sorting out puzzles, etc etc. Fun times!

Dede and I decided to get out the sewing machine and try our hand at making a new outfit for Beth. She's getting "officially" dedicated to the Lord at church tomorrow night, so we thought we'd be quite "little house on the praire-ish" about it and whip her up something new to wear. (I say "officially" because all our children belong to the Lord. None of the others have had a ceremony to show for it, and they're none the worse for the wear. But the opportunity presented itself this time around, so here we are....)

Anyway. We're quite proud of our efforts, and wanted to plaster the pictures all over the internet...

The front of the skirt

and the back of it, with a cutsie little bow that you can hardly see.

Yup, we're pretty proud of it. Can you tell we don't get out often?! Haha! 



I'm still alive!

...just barely. :-)

Quite sleep deprived, and as busy as a beaver with five of the little critters to chase around, but still alive. And with that, I have acheived something.

It's been a really really really hard four weeks, and at times I wondered if I was going to emerge from this newborn stage the same person as I was that went in...

and of course, the answer is "no". You're never the same, the family is never the same, when your lives are turned upside down by a deliciously cute and energy-draining bundle of joy.

We've struggled with alot of sickness in the house lately, and many days have found ourselves out for the count on the couch with no hope of even getting up. (I say "ourselves", but really it's been just me. Kids have this uncanny ability to still have energy, even when looking like they're on death's door. What's with that?! I want some of that energy....) (but of course, I don't get it. My bone-weary body just flops itself down on the couch and refuses to move. Good thing I have good lungs to summon my children in an orderly fashion occasionally. Occasionally. They really have gone a little wild in this past month *gulp*)

'
So, really, not much has been happening around here, except feeding, changing children, wiping dirty faces (that's usually last on my list though... really need to get better at that, one of these days. Maybe in time for the grandkids. Then I can become one of the hip-grandmas who always had *her children* looking presentable...), and doing washing. Copious amounts of washing. I shall forever be eternally grateful to my husband for making sure that I have a massive washing machine, and a dryer. If I didn't have those, my clothes would be molding in the laundry. I've had that happen before, and it's. not. pretty.

The work just never stops. As at this moment, I'm sneaking some time "away" right? And yet, a little certain Rachel-Becky has followed me and is now lying down on the ground, flat on her back. Her "fumes" are filling the office and making me gag. I think she's trying to send me a message, and I'm wondering how much I can type before I pass out. God bless her heart. She wants to toilet-train. And, quite frankly, toilet-training is soo past last on my list that she'll be lucky to be trained in time for school!

Don't you just love the photos of grinning children and screaming babies?! They should have the caption "Life's like that". Our life anyway. haha.

Ahh well. Really, this blog was just a chance to post a few pictures and quickly say that yes, I'm still around, but struggling to find the time to wipe the icky noses, let alone blog. But, I will be back in the game soon enough. Once I figure out how to juggle the house-load of housework and children again.

I will be back! And better than ever, I'm sure. ;-) Can't wait to type up Beth's birth story and share all the nitty grittys with y'all. Thankyou so much to those who have been emailing me. Goodness, it's been an encouragement and a blessed link to other grownups when I come online and there's a sweet note waiting for me. It does my heart good. So, thankyou! One of these days I will get to reply to you all too, but I just wanted you to know that you're the best!!!

Now, I'm off to change this foul-smelling child of mine, pick up and soothe a screaming new-born, feed all five of them before loading us all in the car to go to a basketball game for Jimmy. All in half an hour.

I'm nuts.

...or heading that way anyway...

Not the easiest morning ever...

I was taken ill this morning by the most violent fever ever.

It was from having some blocked milk ducts, due to some pretty funky feeding patterns last night by my sweet Beth. Needless to say, I didn't get a great sleep, but was so tired that I didn't realise I wasn't feeding her on one of my sides.

Sigh.

Woke up this morning to searing pain in my breast, that was causing me to be lightheaded and nauseous. I lay down on the couch and for two hours was racked with the granddaddy of fevers. Poor Beth was clutched in my arms, and had to stay that way for the entirety of it. I knew that if I put her down, I wouldn't have the strength to pick her up again. I remember calling out to the Lord many times asking Him to send someone over to help me, and at one point I went a little out of it and could hear myself pleading to Him "Please, God. I used my manners. Please please please send someone! I used my manners..." I didn't have the strength to get the phone to call anyone.

After a few hours, my shakes began to subside and I was able to get Livvy to climb up on a chair and get the phone for me. I called my husband, and he was home within ten minutes. I don't know how he managed to wrangle it, but he's been able to stay home to look after me.

My fever has finally broken, and my headache (migraine? It was more than just a headache. Such agony!!) has subsided a little. Beth has been nursing like a champ, and managed to unblock the ducts. Yay!

I seem to be prone to blocked ducts and mastitus, but I'm not sure why. My body doesn't even give me a chance to fix the problem, but immediately goes into overdrive with the whole fever thing. It's awful! I know my body is run down, and struggling to get back on track after the birth. This has been my hardest postpartum time that I've had, and quite frankly I'll be glad when things start ticking along smoothly.

Poor James. He's such a trooper, and has taken such great care of me, especially in these hard times. He's out at the movies seeing Cars 2 with Jimmy, Livvy, and Christian at the moment. This will be Christian's first time at the movies, so I'm looking forward to hearing how it goes. I'm home with the sleeping babies, and should be sleeping myself. My body feels so incredibly weak now. Please pray for me. I so badly just want to be better. :-(

Rivers of salty tears are coursing down my cheeks after reading this...


And I am filled with a renewed vow to enjoy and treasure my life in the here and now. No more will I wish away these hard, long and weary days.


God knew just what I needed to hear today...

It was this.

Read it. (especially you, Tracy. You'll love it!)

 I thought that this was worth a read today for all you mums out there...including me. Infact, I'm probably the only one who needed to read it, but still! Sharing is caring. ;-) I love it when other people put my thoughts into words, and do it so much better than I ever could have!

 

Lousy Mamma

I have a recurring, nasty thought that I’m really a lousy Mamma. I know it is a bit depressive and probably isn’t true, but it has recurred persistently over the last 17 years.
Why today? The baby wouldn’t be quiet for a two-minute silence for Remberance Day, the four-year-old had lost her enthusiasm for Duplo adding, the ten-year-old didn’t want to do music, the house needed a declutter, and I had this horrid thought that when I stop work then I will stop the only thing I can do properly.
Is it true? Well, the facts are, at least, partly true. The baby wasn’t quiet, but why should he be? We are training him to be quiet for church and family worship but not to be quiet suddenly in the middle of an apparently normal morning, at home. The ten-year-old didn’t want to do music but had just looked at an old family photograph of a military hospital from 1917 and discussed the likely fate of the soldiers and the generation of unmarried women left. He had even listened to and discussed a poem without complaint, probably a first.
17 years ago and for many years after, I thought that my children had a better deal when left with their, admittedly very good, childminder and then nanny rather than me. Slowly, I’ve realised that God has given these children to me to mother. I might not be very good at all sorts of things, but they are my responsibility.

So what can a lousy mamma do?

Not compare with others. I find it so easy to compare myself with others. Other people have different gifts, given by God. It isn’t helpful to compare. We have to use our talents, not worry that others have more.

Pray. I love the verse “My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12 v9.

Try to be the best I can using Biblical–not any other–criteria. Titus 2v4 and 5 are a great start. Yes, I am a sinner and I come short of the glory of God but–praise Him!–there is forgiveness for all our sin and inadequacy.

I love the words in Psalm 126:
“They that sow in tears shall reap in joy. He that goeth forth and weepeth, bearing precious seed, shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, bearing his sheaves with him.”

May God grant this to me, and to any other mothers, out there who feel that they aren’t sufficient for the task.

Hey, if you need to get ahold of me, feel free to chuck an email my way... charlischuckles@gmail.com

Original, I know. ;-)

Tears are a language God understands...

I've cried buckets of tears over the past two weeks.

It's been such an emotionally draining time, as we've all had to learn to adjust to our new positions in life. Me - a mother a five. How in the world am I supposed to do this?!

It's hard.

I'm no super-mum. I struggle daily, and often find myself crying out to the Lord begging for His help and strength. And patience. It seems like such a long and weary road to travel, and a lonely one at that.

Am I up for it? I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I can cope. And sometimes (mostly in the middle of the night when I'm alone) I wonder what in the world I signed up for.

Does that shock you?

Yes, I'm human. Yes, I struggle. Yes, I have to fight daily to win over my fleshly desires of "mememe". Yes, sometimes I want to just give up.

But I won't. My battle gloves are on, and I'm determined. I'm no supermum. My house is messy at the moment. There are crumbs under the kitchen table. My ironing is overflowing in the basket. My daughter's room is almost un-enterable from all the clothes on the ground. My room has been turned into the dumping ground. My floors need a scrubbing. And I raised my voice to my children today.

My defenses are down and I'm vunerable.

But this...this...is when the Lord can work. I feel like the slop at the bottom of the pig barrel, but my God can even do something with the slop. What's that verse in Psalms? He took my feet out of the miry clay and set them upon a rock? (or something along those lines...) That's my feet He's talking about. My feet. My feet.

A wise friend told me recently that we need to learn to be more real with people. All too often we put on a fake face and smile, and never let anyone know that we're human too. We have struggles too. If we always hide it, then how are we supposed to help others?

So. I'm laying it out on the picnic blanket tonight. And when you hit a rut in the road too, please know that I know what it's like. I've been there, I'm there at the moment, and I know how much a kind word from a friend and some fervent prayer can help.