The Birth. :-)

Jimmy's induction was booked for a Thursday morning. I was advised to get a good sleep the night before (did my midwife know something that I didn't!? hmm), which was virtually impossible. I wasn't nervous, afterall...what could go wrong? I'm in a hospital, the midwives will look after me!! But I was excited.  :-) Very excited!

So I packed my bags, and we were at the hospital around 8am, at which time we were shown to one of the rooms in L&D. I remember thinking how horrible the maternity area looked. Seriously, that place needed a face-life!
My midwife arrived, and the first lot of gel was placed into my cervix. I was told to lay on the bed for an hour, and then go for a walk. Not long after I got up from the bed, I looked out the window and there was my Mum, little Sis, and big Sis arriving for the big day. I didn't expect them to be there, but it was a great distraction for me! I was so glad to have their support too.
So, not surprisingly, the first lot of gel didn't work (Hellloooo, baby wasn't ready!!), so the next lot was inserted by 3:30pm. And after this lot, my mum made me walk up and down the hallways, pretty much constantly. Apparently this is how she went into labour. :-) Sigh. Anyway, we were having some great bonding times with each other, and pretty much disturbing the whole ward with our laughter.

Reality soon sunk in though, when Nurse Gertrude (seriously. That was her name. She suited it too!!) came in at 6pm and said that everyone had to go home, including my husband. This terrified me! Contractions still hadn't started, although I was beginning to feel a tad uncomfortable, and I really really didn't want to spend the night there on my own. However, I had foolishly placed myself in the nurses hands, and from now on, they were ruling the roost. So, off my family went. Later I learned that James (my husband) went and sat in his car in the carpark. Such a sweet guy! His wife was inside, in tears, and in the early stages of labour, and he was forced to leave her side. Around 8pm I started to feel mild contractions, and went to tell Nurse Gertrude. She, very rudely, told me that it was just an irritable uterus (Hah! I agree! I'd be irritable too if I had that gel stuffed into me to make me "ripen" when I wasn't ready to be ripe!!), gave me some sleeping tablets, and sent me to bed. Literally. I was sobbing, as I tried to go to sleep with these pains, and the dread of what was to come. The pains started to get stronger, and harder to ignore, but I was so frightened of Gertrude, that nothing in the world would convince me to let her know. So I lay there writhing in pain in my bed. Around 10:30, I figured that the change of nurses had happened, so I timidly stepped into the hallway to see who was at the desk. A lovely nurse spied me and asked how I was doing. When I mentioned the contractions, she offered to run me a warm bath, which was so gratefully accepted. The bath didn't help much with the pains though (my body was so tense with fear!!) and once I told her that I'd also had a bloody show, she rang my midwife and I got to text my husband to commme baacckkk. I was so pleased to see him walk through those doors! But how terrible that I had to "perform" in order to have him by my side!

We were quickly ushered into the L&D rooms again (it was a quiet night on the ward, my one blessing!!) and I was given the "gas" to try and work out on my own. The pains really weren't too bad at that point, so we had a bit of fun playing with the gas...even my family had a go on it! Ahh... we managed to make our own fun, amidst the hospital regulations!

So the hours ticked by...

At some point in the early hours of the morning, I hopped into a birthing pool, and pretty much went to sleep, waking up for the contractions that were coming about 6 minutes apart.

They were long hours. By about 4 in the morning, nothing was happening (I wasn't "progressing" enough), so my midwife asked me to get out of the pool. I went into the bathrooms (not too sure why I ended up in there, but I did...) and after throwing up many many times, the midwife asked me if I'd like her to break my waters. I was so exhausted by now, that I thought for sure this was a good option. I was in such agony from the contractions, that they got some mats, and laid them down right there on the bathroom floor. Of course, laying down just heightened my pain, and by this time I was almost hitting the ceiling with each contraction. She got out her long loooong crochet hook, and pop went my waters. And Bam Wham went my contractions. It was about this time I was begging for an epidural. I just could not cope with the pain anymore, and I had no one telling me that everything would be ok. I think they were all quite distressed seeing me like that, actually!! So the epidural-fella was called, and he got there about 7:30am. I was told to sit as still as possible on the side of the bed. And interestingly enough, this was the only part of labor where I actually felt in control. I had to reach down inside of myself, and summon up the strength to cope. And I did! First try for the epidural was apparently a success. And off I went to sleep. Along with the rest of my family, haha. However, I was soon woken with terrible contraction pain on just one side of my body. Wonderful. I was stuck in bed, unable to move, hooked up to every medication possible, and told to lie on the side where the pain was. They were hoping the epidural would "float" over to the other side. Didn't work. I could have told them that!! So in came the epidural guy again. Try Two hit a blood vessel. This is where my dear husband started feeling faint. Poor guy. Try Three (and apparently their last chance on me) worked, and I drifted off to sleep again. This was about 10:30 in the morning, and I do believe I was still only 4 centimeters dilated. I don't blame my body in the slightest... I wouldn't dilate under those stressful circumstances either!

So, off went my sisters into town for a coffee, and I even received some visitors! 

Insane. Anyway. At around 2:30 I was given the c-section talk. And yes, I was willing for it. I had been feeling some pushing urges (without the pain, just the pressure) but had been literally trying to hold them back, as I was terrified at having to go through anything else!! My midwife did one more check on me, and lo and behold, there was a head. :-) I hadn't managed to hold him back after all! My sisters were summoned from their coffeeying in town, and I was told to push. And so I did. I was so scared feeling any more pain, but the epidural was still up super strong, so I didn't feel a thing, except the pressure. I thought it was wonderful! (such a strange birth...). Anyway. 30 minutes later, our red-headed Jimmy entered the world. :-) And I didn't care. I felt numb, and didn't even noticed that he was a deathly shade of grey, and that my midwife had pressed the emergency button. This part makes me want to cry so much, because of how unaware I was of my son's peril! I got a quick look at him, and then they whisked him away to do CPR. I just lay there and bleed. I thought it was all normal, and this was how births are. *cry*. A few minutes later I heard him cry, and someone laid him in my arms. I smiled, but inwardly I was thinking "what's the fuss?! I want to sleep and now I have to stay awake for this baby". Bonding did not happen. My poor Jimmy. I love him fiercely now, and cannot believe how much the drugs interferred with our bonding at his birth!

I was not the first to dress him. I was not the first to bathe him. I was not the first to give him his first real cuddle and kiss. I lay there like a zombie and cared only for his immediate needs. Feeding and changing. Oh how I regret the way it happened!!

But I did what I could, and slowly (as the drugs and their effects wore off...) I was able to welcome this little boy into our family.

I am in tears as I write this. It's been so confronting to me to write down what happened and the way I felt about it. To acknowledge that his birth and my reaction to it was far from ideal... that's hard! I wish I could have given him the beginnings that both Rachel and Christian had, but you can't change the past. And as much as it pains me to remember it, it IS a part of the past, and it helped shape and mold me into the woman that I am today. A woman who is confident in birth, and freely able (by God's grace) to birth my babies into a peaceful environment at home. A place where they are loved, protected, and cherished. Where Mummy gets all of her afterbirth hormones, and can't put the baby down for weeks, because of the sheer preciousness of them in our family.
Jimmy and I recovered. I have a strong body that was soon able to shake off the hospital ickiness, and was able to whole-heartedly mother my son in the way I was meant to. The way God created me. Have I mentioned what a darling boy he is? He is SO tender-hearted, it's incredible. He loves his family so much, is such an obedient little fella, and has this thirst for companionship and love that outweighs anything else. He started school this year, and is completely thriving in his classroom. I'm so thankful for him in our lives, and love him to pieces!

Did you know, I've never written down my birth stories? Oh, I jotted down a few pages after Jimmy's birth (my oldest son), but I've never shared it with anyone, and as for my other three births... well, it's time they were down on "paper". :-) I've been so inspired and encouraged by reading other women's birth stories lately, that I thought maybe you would enjoy hearing mine. And if not... well, just skip the next few entries.

Birth doesn't begin with labour though, does it?

I doubted myself, and my ability to give birth naturally, right from the beginning of Jimmy's pregnancy. Infact, I was so poorly educated about birth, that I didn't even know what a "natural" birth was! I just assumed that the medical system was doing what was best for me and my baby, and any little drama that came along was exciting...! Oh, how I wish I could turn back time, and do that pregnancy and birth again. I knew so very very little. But I know now that I am where I am today because of what happened to me then. It started me out on my quest for "something better" in birth.

We were so dirt poor during my pregnancy. We found out we were pregnant in about week one. Haha. I was so excited, but had no idea of the long journey ahead of me. Nausea and vomiting hit me hard, but because of our lack of finances, I couldn't even afford the "dry crackers" that everyone was recommending. (Not to self: When a woman is super sick in pregnancy, make her up a little care package. You never know what a person's finances are like, and I know it would have meant the WORLD to me!) I spent my days lying in bed, and feeling like I was dying. I was so so lonely. We were living far away from my family, and I didn't have any friends in the town we were in. I remember just crying and crying, and even having suicidal thoughts. I now know that I was probably going through antenatel depression, brought on primarily by the loneliness. But! By the grace of God, He kept us safe, and Baby continued to grow happily in spite of the turmoil outside of the womb. I was the Master at hiding how I was really feeling, and no one, not even my midwife, picked up on anything.
I loved my midwife. After every visit (in New Zealand, you have the same midwife throughout the pregnancy and birth, and mine just happened to do home visits!) I would count the days until she came again. She was my social interaction! She was such a chatterbox, and I remember loving that I could sit there and just listen to her.
My "due date" (Christmas day 2005) came and went without even the slightest twinge. I do believe that was my most miserable Christmas ever! How sad is that. :-( A time when I should have been rejoicing in my pregnancy and loving the last few days, at peace with knowing that my body can birth at the right time...and instead I was grumpy that it wasn't "doing it right" and getting caught up in the "woe is me" song.
The days came and went, and on about the 3rd of January, my midwife did a "stretch and sweep" for me. Nothing happened. Baby wasn't ready to be born. Unfortunately, we thought we knew better than baby, and an induction was booked. I was barely a week overdue!!

...and I'll continue this story a little later. My sleeping babies are due to wake up soon, and then off to school we go to watch Jimmy in his "After School Sports" program. He is SUCH a precious wee soul, and I must say that despite his hard pregnancy and traumatic birth, he was worth every moment. :-)

Birth and all things related

Birth.


It's been going through my mind lately, probably due to the fact that in 10 weeks I'll be journeying down that path again, but also because the desire to become a midwife and my passion for all things "birthy" has become so strong lately. I think people are getting sick of me talking about it, so I'm going to use this blog as my outlet for all those thoughts running rampant through my mind. You'd think (even though I have this uncanny tendancy to...) I wouldn't get into trouble talking about birth of all things, but I know that some of the things I'm going to say will offend people. Birth is such a personal and intimate thing, it's impossible to please everyone, and every man and his dog have their own ideas on it. So pleeease don't take it personally. These are just my ideas and thoughts, dreams and desires, and strong opinions.

I learned a lesson today. I started chatting with someone about "birth" and inducings, and it very quickly developed into a heated debate. Which, at first, I thought was GREAT fun! I love debating issues... iron sharpeneth iron, right? You learn so many interesting things, and well... I guess debating is in my blood, along with the desire to have the last word. ;-)  Anyway. It wasn't long before I noticed that things were getting a little personal, and tried to duck out of the conversation a little. It took an hour for this lady to finish what she was saying. Which was fine. She needed to get it off her chest, and really had had some awful experiences in the hospital. But, it taught me this ... no matter what I believe is true, it doesn't matter one iota when the other person has been through trauma in birth, and is struggling to understand why. And somehow, somewhere, I need to learn the best ways to respond to people like that. I literally couldn't get a word in edgeways (I tried, I really did. Especially when she said "I know, you're a "do it natural person, even at the cost of mother and baby", which is so far from the truth it's not funny. I love natural birth because of the benefits to both mother and baby. But anyway...), maybe I should have acknowledged her trauma more? Sympathised more? I'm not sure. But I'll learn, I know I will. Today I shut up, and let her talk (and talk and talk...) which was the best I could do, with what I knew.

The one thing I love...

Charlotte is tired, so tired that she is now talking in the third person. I hear that crazy people do that, ah, no matter, Charlotte is crazy too - but mostly when she is tired - so it all falls into place.

It's awfully late - past my bedtime... I would love to be curled up in bed eating ice cream, but James is hogging the bed again, and between fighting him for blankets and my ice cream I've decided that sweltering in the heat in front of the computer is a much more palatable option.

The thing is - I don't know what to write about. When I get like this I like to close my eyes, take a deep breath, and focus on what I love. And tonight that thing is my sister, Wozzie. She is fantastic, but, even more so, she is wonderful. This is hardly doing her justice... hold on a moment...

WOZ IS WONDERFUL

There we go. Much better.

Now, because I am on the subject, I will write a few reasons that I think she is so wonderful..

1. She is coming to visit
     a. she will look after the babies
     b. she will try to help cook
     c. she will have clothes I can take
     d. she will keep me company
2. She is so wonderfully stylish
     a. she makes fantastic pinnies
     b. she always looks effortlessly fabulous
     c. she buys cool clothes then inherits them to me
3. She is the kindest person I know
     a. she worked on a cruise ship - saved no money, and yet is spending it all on visiting me
     b. she was a wonderful SS last year
     c. she brightens up my every day
4. She is just plain cool
     a. the whole of rocky will drop a few degrees when she visits because of her coolness.

There we go. I have fulfilled my dream of blogging - I shall now go and wrestle James for the blankets and air con. Life is good in Rocky!

GOOD NEWS GOOD NEWS!

I am so excited, I just wanted to share it with you all...

For the first time in months, I woke up completely NAUSEA-FREE this morning!!! Whaaaahooooo!! For being a busy Mother of four preschoolers, that's just the ultimate blessing! It's been really plauging me and difficult to handle, so fingers crossed and many prayers going out that this is only one of many Nausea-Free days! We're heading off to Library Story-time this morning. We're walking there, and I'm so excited to be able to share in the adventure with the kiddies. I'm not dreading seeing people! haha. Many happy days and blessings to you all!!

Elephants and babies and all things nice

I'm utterly and completely obsessed with births at the moment. Can you blame me?! Knowing that my time is coming again soon is a sure way to get me researching, seeking answers, pondering about the awesomeness of it, and reading birth stories till they come outta my ears. James will often come into the office just to say Hi, and find me sobbing my heart out over some beautiful birth story. He just smiles, shakes his head, and leaves. I don't think guys really "get" it, but he's so kind, and never mocks me...infact, he listens for hours while I relay the stories back to him. Have I said lately what a wonderful husband I have?! Anyway. I could talk about that dude forever, but this blog aint about him! It's about birth! But not human birth... as you can see I've posted a videa of an elephant birth! (sourced from an awesome lady who's blog is jam-packed full of the most incredible stories! I spend alot of time there these days. http://beautifulbirthstories.blogspot.com/)  Rather graphic (what birth isn't, really), but so So SO incredible and amazing to watch the mother know what to do for her newborn, as soon as she delivers. Ohh...makes me wanna be an elephant! Give me a few months, and I know I'm gonna feel like one. ;-)  Enjoy! And feel free to shed a tear... I sure did. :-)

We've got a busy couple of months coming up. (Who hasn't?! Christmas time sure is all hustle and bustle!). Rachie turns One Year Old on Saturday! Seems like only yesterday I was UNpatiently awaiting her birth, and jumping on the trampoline to try and get things going. I finally went into established labour on Friday morning, the 27th November, at about ohhh 6am-ish. Roundabout then. I remember lying in bed and feeling her whole body ROLL over inside me. She was lying on her right side, and needed to be on her left side for labour to begin (my rules. Right siders can tend to do posterior *shudder*). Oh boy oh boy did that maneuvor hurt! But contractions started right after, so I was pretty pleased. She was born 10:53am, in the water, at home. I found the labour to be quite intense (compared to Christian's easy and peaceful one!), but it was so worth it. And of course, all pain was forgotten once she was born into Daddy's awaiting hands. I, myself, had a few dramas after the birth, but once we had all of those sorted out we settled in for some awesome bonding time. I have such an awesome midwife, and really couldn't recommend her enough to you New Zealandites. She was calm, supportive, non-intrusive, and a real pillar of strength for us. She let me labour in my own way, and never made me feel embarressed or restricted in what I could do. We love love love having her at our births!

Anyway. So. Yes. Rachel is turning One on Saturday. (That's for all you family who have a tendancy to forget these things!). We're looking forward to celebrating the day with her! Maybe a trip to the beach will be in order. :-)

Monday brings on Jimmy's Prep Orientation Day. He gets to pack a schoolbag and a lunchbox, and trot off to school for the morning. He is super excited! He already knows most the kiddies in his class, and gets along REALLY well with them - he is going to love school, I just know it! Daddy (yes, Daddy as well. I'd hate to miss it, so why should he have to?!) and I are going to take him along (with all the others in tow, of course). We don't watch them "practice" school, but have a morning tea and such. I can't wait to hear all the tales he comes out with! (Jimmy, not James). This is a big deal for us... we're super looking forward to sending off our big handsome red-head to school. Although, I'm going to miss him terribly! He's such a big help at home, and I know the others will be sad with him gone. :'-( Ah well, we'll survive... just in time to send Dede off the next year! *sob sob* We took him into the Optomitrist to get his eyes checked the other day, and I'm pleased to report that he has peerrrfect vision. YEEESS! He was a tad disappointed though, as he would really love to get glasses "like Lochie". hehehe.

We are very much looking forward to Christmas this year, and then Katie will be coming to stay for New Years! Yaahoooo! She'll be here for about 6 days, and we're highly looking forward to it! February is bringing with it a Dream Come True for me, but I won't blog about that just yet. We'll wait till it happens. SOO super-duper-huper-mooper excited! (and yes, you know who you are!) :-P

So, enjoy the elephant birth... maybe one of these days I'll put up Rachie's birth for ya. That one's not graphic at all, and is a lovely tear-jerker.

Tootle Pip!

I'm writing this blog post, after having survived The Birthday Party of all Birthday Parties! Well done Alice and Ben for putting on a wonderful evening for kiddies and adults alike. We had such a marvellous time, and it was just priceless seeing all the smiles and wonder on the children's faces as they got all their treasures, and throughly enjoyed the jumping castle! Very very cool. Feel free to throw a party for my kiddie's birthdays any day. ;-) I know a day like that doesn't come without great effort, so thankyou very much. :-)

We've had a pretty big past couple of weeks, with a visit from my mum, a holiday down South-ish with precious friends, and many little bits thrown in here and there. The next couple of months are promising to be just as busy, and I'm looking forward to seeing what the Lord has in store for us. Some things that have happened lately haven't been easy. At times it felt like we were climbing Mount Everest, but God is so faithful and his grace brought us through each time. One verse, that a dear friend sent me via email was Romans 15:13 " Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost."

I like that. "The God of hope". Yeah! That's my Lord. :-) 

I am just entering into the second trimester of my pregnancy now. I feel like it's hitting hard, and the tiredness is really getting to me. But how can I not but rejoice in a healthy pregnancy so far, and many wonderful blessings already coming from it. We truely serve a wonderful God and to Him I am most grateful. I sure can't wait to meet this little bundle, too!!

Now I must sign off... Until next time!