I've cried buckets of tears over the past two weeks.
It's been such an emotionally draining time, as we've all had to learn to adjust to our new positions in life. Me - a mother a five. How in the world am I supposed to do this?!
It's hard.
I'm no super-mum. I struggle daily, and often find myself crying out to the Lord begging for His help and strength. And patience. It seems like such a long and weary road to travel, and a lonely one at that.
Am I up for it? I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I can cope. And sometimes (mostly in the middle of the night when I'm alone) I wonder what in the world I signed up for.
Does that shock you?
Yes, I'm human. Yes, I struggle. Yes, I have to fight daily to win over my fleshly desires of "mememe". Yes, sometimes I want to just give up.
But I won't. My battle gloves are on, and I'm determined. I'm no supermum. My house is messy at the moment. There are crumbs under the kitchen table. My ironing is overflowing in the basket. My daughter's room is almost un-enterable from all the clothes on the ground. My room has been turned into the dumping ground. My floors need a scrubbing. And I raised my voice to my children today.
My defenses are down and I'm vunerable.
But this...this...is when the Lord can work. I feel like the slop at the bottom of the pig barrel, but my God can even do something with the slop. What's that verse in Psalms? He took my feet out of the miry clay and set them upon a rock? (or something along those lines...) That's my feet He's talking about. My feet. My feet.
A wise friend told me recently that we need to learn to be more real with people. All too often we put on a fake face and smile, and never let anyone know that we're human too. We have struggles too. If we always hide it, then how are we supposed to help others?
So. I'm laying it out on the picnic blanket tonight. And when you hit a rut in the road too, please know that I know what it's like. I've been there, I'm there at the moment, and I know how much a kind word from a friend and some fervent prayer can help.
It can take alot to admit we have struggles. I commend you Charlotte for your honesty. You are a wonderful blessing Charlotte.
ReplyDeleteYou're right Shannon, it's not the easiest thing in the world to admit that maybe we don't have it altogether all of the time. So many people have said to me lately "Wow, you're amazing, I know that I couldn't cope with that many children..." and usually I just smile and say "it aint that bad!!" lol. But truth be told, sometimes it IS that bad. Not because of the children, but because of myself and my own insecurities and that pride that rears it's ugly head at the most inconvenient times.
ReplyDeleteWe've all been there right?! :-)
I loved this post. Not because you're sad but because it was just plain ole you. And I love plain ole you, girlie. And you know what? You can do it and you will, just look at what you've accomplished so far! I don't think we should have ever stayed with y'all 'cos now my husband says things to me like, "But Charlotte can do it, with all her children!" Bah humbug! Now look what I have to live up to ;-) You told me that statement about just being ourselves too, and I finally did it the other night. Against all previous experiences, I said a short one liner on facebook about being up with Manny (til 4:30am thank you very much!). I was exhausted, grumpy and miserable. And I have only the one baby! Shame on me! But I had no less than three ladies write back and say that they too were up with their little ones! It was such an encouragement. Here I was in the middle of the night thinking, "Woe is me! Everyone else is fast asleep! Who's idea was this little rascal anywho?" but I had sisters all around the world (seriously, the emails were from three different continents) who were up that night too! It's normal to struggle! To feel tired! To grumble! Woo-hoo! It reminds me of all the verses about brethren lifting one another up, encouraging one another, and helping each other when we stumble. God is good Charlotte, and I have a cross stitch next to my bed to constantly remind me, "The will of God will never lead you where the grace of God cannot keep you." Love you and yours <3
ReplyDeleteAhh yes, tiredness. I read an article yesterday that said that most problems stem from either of these four things:
ReplyDeleteH - Hunger
A - Anger
L - Loneliness
T - Tiredness.
And that when you're making decisions, to Halt and make sure that one of these things isn't affecting your decision for the bad.
I remember that comment you made on Facebook. To be honest, I didn't reply to it simply because I was so exhausted that I was operating in a hazey cloud of nothingness. haha. Little Beth had been up every hour that night, and my body was throwing a protest. :-P
You are not alone, Trace. And believe it or not, one day when that sweet baby of yours is a lanky teenager with stinky feet, you'll look back on these days with fondness and wish that just once more you could snuggle him and breathe in his baby breath.
I miss Manny-moo!!
I was just reading an article and in it there was a paragraph that jumped out and grabbed me around the throat...
"The routines of housework and of mothering may be seen as a kind of death, and it is appropriate that they should be, for they offer the chance, day after day, to lay down one’s life for others. Then they are no longer routines. By being done with love and offered up to God with praise, they are thereby hallowed as the vessels of the tabernacle were hallowed–not because they were different from other vessels in quality or function, but because they were offered to God. A mother’s part in sustaining the life of her children and making it pleasant and comfortable is no triviality. It calls for self-sacrifice and humility, but it is the route, as was the humiliation of Jesus, to glory."
The whole article is here http://www.ladiesagainstfeminism.com/biblical-womanhood/on-motherhood-and-profanity/#more-3074
To me, it was encouraging. Most of the articles on their site are. They remind me that what I'm doing is not drugery. It's not a waste. It is a beautiful beautiful beautiful thing to run a home and raise our children for the Lord. To teach them about Him. To invest in their little lives.
It's beautiful.
Thanks for your replies on this post, girls. You've encouraged me dearly, and that in itself is priceless. xxoo
By the way Trace, EMAIL ME! So that I have your email and can bug ya day and night. :-)
ReplyDeleteThankyou for your beautiful honesty. I was in tears tonight.. just weary of the unendingness of it.. and the loneliness too.. I just poured my heart out to hubby and he patiently listened and comforted. It was nice to read this post and know that Im not alone. xx Fleur
ReplyDelete