Did you know, I've never written down my birth stories? Oh, I jotted down a few pages after Jimmy's birth (my oldest son), but I've never shared it with anyone, and as for my other three births... well, it's time they were down on "paper". :-) I've been so inspired and encouraged by reading other women's birth stories lately, that I thought maybe you would enjoy hearing mine. And if not... well, just skip the next few entries.

Birth doesn't begin with labour though, does it?

I doubted myself, and my ability to give birth naturally, right from the beginning of Jimmy's pregnancy. Infact, I was so poorly educated about birth, that I didn't even know what a "natural" birth was! I just assumed that the medical system was doing what was best for me and my baby, and any little drama that came along was exciting...! Oh, how I wish I could turn back time, and do that pregnancy and birth again. I knew so very very little. But I know now that I am where I am today because of what happened to me then. It started me out on my quest for "something better" in birth.

We were so dirt poor during my pregnancy. We found out we were pregnant in about week one. Haha. I was so excited, but had no idea of the long journey ahead of me. Nausea and vomiting hit me hard, but because of our lack of finances, I couldn't even afford the "dry crackers" that everyone was recommending. (Not to self: When a woman is super sick in pregnancy, make her up a little care package. You never know what a person's finances are like, and I know it would have meant the WORLD to me!) I spent my days lying in bed, and feeling like I was dying. I was so so lonely. We were living far away from my family, and I didn't have any friends in the town we were in. I remember just crying and crying, and even having suicidal thoughts. I now know that I was probably going through antenatel depression, brought on primarily by the loneliness. But! By the grace of God, He kept us safe, and Baby continued to grow happily in spite of the turmoil outside of the womb. I was the Master at hiding how I was really feeling, and no one, not even my midwife, picked up on anything.
I loved my midwife. After every visit (in New Zealand, you have the same midwife throughout the pregnancy and birth, and mine just happened to do home visits!) I would count the days until she came again. She was my social interaction! She was such a chatterbox, and I remember loving that I could sit there and just listen to her.
My "due date" (Christmas day 2005) came and went without even the slightest twinge. I do believe that was my most miserable Christmas ever! How sad is that. :-( A time when I should have been rejoicing in my pregnancy and loving the last few days, at peace with knowing that my body can birth at the right time...and instead I was grumpy that it wasn't "doing it right" and getting caught up in the "woe is me" song.
The days came and went, and on about the 3rd of January, my midwife did a "stretch and sweep" for me. Nothing happened. Baby wasn't ready to be born. Unfortunately, we thought we knew better than baby, and an induction was booked. I was barely a week overdue!!

...and I'll continue this story a little later. My sleeping babies are due to wake up soon, and then off to school we go to watch Jimmy in his "After School Sports" program. He is SUCH a precious wee soul, and I must say that despite his hard pregnancy and traumatic birth, he was worth every moment. :-)